-have you ever felt like you were losing someone and it was no one’s fault but your own?
like you fuck up on something that you never thought you could fuck up on…say, like hurting someone. you say you never will…but then you do. not in the way you said you wouldn’t, but in a way you didn’t know you could.
and you figure out a long time before that this needs to be fixed.
but just as you begin to understand how to fix it, this person reaches the brink.
they just can’t take it anymore.
they’re being hit from all angles with the same issues and no one’s listening.
not even you.
they’d lost faith that you’d be better a long time ago, and now, they don’t trust you anymore either.
they’re at what seems to be the point of no return.
the little things turn into big issues.
and EVERYBODY has got them.
you’re getting better at owning up to your mistakes.
learning not to fear making them (and thus avoiding making them by not trying so hard not to make them).
but now everyone’s mistakes have finally started to cave in around this person.
so while you’re finally starting to figure out how to clear the debris off the roof before it totally caves in,
they’re searching for an escape hatch.
the feelings are real. deep. dark, even.
you’re genuine. open. ready to give it all.
but they don’t see anyone holding up a light for them.
not even you.
there’s an odd distance.
that’s not really a distance.
but more like a wall.
because although you can be only inches apart, the distance up and back down the wall is miles long.
and you feel like there’s not much you can do,
but hope that they’d still want to look at your face.
even if it’s only through the window in that wall.
now, all i find myself hoping for,
is that that window is open
and that i can find a way to get through it.
i hope i haven’t really begun to lose you.